no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize