Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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