I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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