Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
