My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
