I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize