how can u be prego again
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
