Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
