I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
