Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
