he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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