I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
