Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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