Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize