her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
