Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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