i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
