How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
