I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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