Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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