There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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