i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
