Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
