My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
