hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
