Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
