You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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