Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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