He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
