never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dear god my vagina.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
