Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There are leaves in my underwear?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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