you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
