oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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