dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
