I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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