Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
