I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
