My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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