HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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