omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
