do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
