There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
