I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
