if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
