Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
