"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
