I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
