What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
