Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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