I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize