If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
