And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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