Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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