it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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