did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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