And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it glows. i had to have it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
