Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I need to stop coming to work sober
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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