I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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