i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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