So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
