You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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