i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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