and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize