We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
