So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
