kristin has been a bad kristin
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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