Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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