Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
