sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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