Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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