I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
