I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize