Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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