Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
false alarm, still single
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