I wish I could teleport
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize