just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
