just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
