Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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