Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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