I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
