she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
