I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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