I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
