I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
