Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
