I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
