ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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