I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize