Sry I called you an 8
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
