I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
