i think my mom watched the whole time
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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