Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
