Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
