They should really pass out barf bags in church
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
