I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
