If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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