a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
