Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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