you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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