First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
