Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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