Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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