This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
