The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize