Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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