You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
