...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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