ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
