Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
