I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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