If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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