She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize